Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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