The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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