i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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