He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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