my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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