I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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