I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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