Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
