You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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