You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
