Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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