The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
