hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
