I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
