You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
