well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
