party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
