Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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