I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i need some magic done to my vagina
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
