Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A bitchslap is in order.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
