I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Randomize
