yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did i walk over a car last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
