why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
