i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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