My liver just broke up with me...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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