I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
