I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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