Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
okay pat passed out under dana's car
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
