He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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