I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
