I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
