I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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