What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
