just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
