I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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