yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.