"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.