ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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