Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah

(415): View more from California

and she bought it?!?

(650): View more from California

yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes

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(650): my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah (415): and she bought it?!? (650): yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes http://tfl.nu/zwxp

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

we should wear snuggies to the strip club

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(918): we should wear snuggies to the strip club http://tfl.nu/cih2

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So for us it's double that?

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Precisely.

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(570): Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime. (717): So for us it's double that? (570): Precisely. http://tfl.nu/p9hg

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(732): View more from New Jersey

its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9

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(732): its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9 http://tfl.nu/78ka

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(512): View more from Texas

Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...

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(512): Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame... http://tfl.nu/p4qb

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."

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(202): I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking." http://tfl.nu/oftj

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(843): View more from South Carolina

my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...

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(843): my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk... http://tfl.nu/ndqi

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(805): View more from California

I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.

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(805): I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins. http://tfl.nu/apj9

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(604): View more from British Columbia

After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.

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(604): After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me. http://tfl.nu/m19j

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm

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(505): I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm http://tfl.nu/1dm0

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(320): View more from Minnesota

What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.

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(320): What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off. http://tfl.nu/fj7u

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything

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(608): I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything http://tfl.nu/ll8l

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(802): View more from Vermont

I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it

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(802): I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it http://tfl.nu/32uz

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(303): View more from Colorado

You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.

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(303): You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him. http://tfl.nu/i4cz

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

Exactly how many...is TOO many?

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(814): He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it. (1-814): Exactly how many...is TOO many? http://tfl.nu/64i7

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