I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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