I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I will be naked everywhere
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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