a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize