I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The air was thick with penises
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
