i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
