There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
