My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
