Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
