this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
