All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
