in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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