There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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