Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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