i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
