I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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