i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
