I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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