Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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