Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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