i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
