Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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