I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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