I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
