He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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