i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
