is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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