You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
