God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
