the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
