My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
