i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i dont even know how to be here
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
