whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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