I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
found the other keg... it's in the tree
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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