I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
