If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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