so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
